I know exactly what I typed.
Yes, that’s exactly what I meant to type.
Now, before you feel a type of way, do note that I did not say “any” woman, because then, that would be another type of baloney.
It’s tiring, to say the least, the way we manage to connect even the most casual cords in a woman’s life to marriage and someone she may someday be joined with. What’s even more tiring is the way that has been made the only acceptable reality.
If you speak and your voice is a little too clear, you hear things like “is it someone like you that will find a husband?” If you’re a little too certain about the boundaries you have defined for your life, you’re reminded about how women must be willing to compromise and contort themselves into all sorts of shapes so they can find and keep husbands. I mean, you can’t even eat meat without some people taking jab at your home training or lack thereof.
You hear these things at home, at family gatherings, in the midst of aunties, and you see it entwined in the fabric of the society you live in. Soon enough, it becomes your belief; marriage is something that MUST happen.
And if that’s what you really want, then it’s okay.
But here is the thing: there are ladies who do not want that. They know it, too. They know that they would rather be in control of their time, emotions, and the people they share them with on this journey. They know that having children is not a thing that will change their lives for the better; they will be much happier being aunties to some little loves and spoiling them silly.
They know. Yet you insist they don’t.
And because of your insistence, coupled with the fact that these women are only just stringing together the beads of their identity, they succumb to societal pressure and drag someone else into a journey they never should have started.
These are women who would rather build their identity around a career and they would choose that over a husband and children every day and twice on Fridays. It’s okay if that makes absolutely no sense to you, but it is a decision we must remind ourselves to stay absolutely out of.
Call me crazy, but I also think some people have callings that make marriage a bad idea for them. These people have all-consuming passions that drive everything and supersede anything. They carry others and stand in some of the many gaps that exist in the world. They are the emergency workers of the world, the military personnel, and the quick response teams. Some people have to do these jobs, and yes, sometimes, it means they only sleep at home twice in one week.
I can hear the whispers of your argument; “but some people do these jobs, are super successful, AND are married.” All of that is true. And here is another set of women who are not interested in having it all. They want one, and that one is not a family. That must be okay.
Imagine an Oprah getting married. Perhaps she would still be this Oprah, perhaps she wouldn’t. What I do know is that by following the path that made sense to her, this woman who bore no child opened her heart, shared her resources and became a mother to so many. How is that not a life of impact?
Make no mistake; this is not a campaign against women getting married. What I am saying is this; perhaps if we weren’t so hell bent on shaping every woman into the model of wife and mother, we would be able to spare the world some avoidable hurt and unhappiness.